So a couple of years ago I decided I was going to go visit my friend at her school over Halloween. This whole thing originated from a bet she and I had on who could get laid first that semester (loser would have to take the trip and visit them on the next break from school). Frankly I thought I was at a disadvantage from the start since I had just started at a new school over in South Dakota and also because I'm a dude. Really the way I see it pretty much a girl can just walk up to a guy and ask for sex and she will have a much higher success rate than anyone of the male species. But it was pretty close and she actually beat me by one day. Didn't really mind though since South Dakota is fucking boring and really didn't have a clue what I would do to keep her entertained if she were to visit so a few weeks later I was hopping on a bus to Duluth.
Since high school got out my friend went from relatively prudish catholic girl to "omg I love weed and sex" girl. Not to say she's ho'ish by any means, but it was quite the transformation seeing as how I used to get shit for coming to movie night totally blazed out of my mind. My stay there was pretty fun, got to party with people that didn't like Nickleback for once (seriously South Dakota has no taste at all) and I got to kinda hook up with her roommate (just a handjob, but she was a virgin and I didn't want to deal with the drama of being her first time and then leaving to another state), but there was this one thing that happened while I was there that was pretty funny so I'm going to share that with ya'll.
My friend and I were bowl cruising around Duluth and listening to some pretty sweet tunes. My friend decided she needed new large sun glasses to wear since that was essential to her being in public while stoned. So we park on the street, put money in a parking meter and go into ragstock. I was just kinda along for the ride and just watching things happen while we were there. Finally found out where she got all the ridiculous handbags she has that have pictures of retarded unicorns and weird godzilla type things. Anyways she buys like 3 pairs of sunglasses as I stand there trying not to be obviously baked (we were smoking alaskan thunderfcuk, good fuckin bud man). We exit the store eventually get into the car and was ready to continue on driving aimlessly looking and cool shit......but there was a problem.
When my friend tried to the start the car the key wouldn't move at all in the ignition. She sat there struggling with it for a moment or two before she finally clued me in that there may be an issue. I tried to turn it just to see if maybe she was just being stoned and failing, but sure enough that key wouldn't budge at all. Now some of you reading this may already know what the issue was but to give you some background info, we were both suburban children with soft hands. As in we weren't the manual labor type and also we don't know shit about cars. The key goes here, gas is on the right, brakes on the left. That's about it. So when the first part of the whole process of how to make a car start doesn't work....well we were both collectively stumped on what the fuck was going on.
I decided to take out the owners manual and see if I could figure out what was going on while my friend fiddled around and did stuff. While all of this is going on in the back of my head I was becoming increasingly paranoid about the time on the parking meter running out. Hindsight says that there was probably plenty of time on it still, but I couldn't get the image out of my head of it running out and then having some meter maid come by and tell us to move. Then we would have to tell them that the car isn't starting, then they will eventually noticed how stoned we are and all kind of bad things was going to happen. The panic was becoming greater and greater and I wasn't getting shit out of the owners manual. There were WAY too many words in WAY too small of print. Plus I spent like a minute trying to make sense of the first page before I realized I was on the spanish section. Deciding that a new plan needed to be implemented I decided to call one of my friends in South Dakota who has car knowledge of a sort. The call went a little like this
"Ok dude, so you know how I'm in Duluth right? Well we parked on the street to go into a store, and when we came back in the key wouldn't move in the ignition and we have been going at this for like 10 minutes now and the parking meter is going to run out and I don't know what to do so do you know what the fuck is wrong?!"
".......hahahahahahaha, dude how high are you?"
"Pretty fucking high man, but seriously this is freaking me out."
"Oh my god you fail at life so hard right now dude."
"Dude you just turn the wheel while turning the ignition at the same time."
"hahaha, yeah man"
*I tell my friend what he said*
"ok we're trying it."
*my friend turns the wheel while starting the ignition and it works*
"HOLY SHIT MAN IT WORKED!!!!"
"Oh wow man"
"Seriously how did you know to do that?"
"Basic knowledge? I dunno it's just something you know dude."
"Well seriously you are a god amongst men. Thanks man"
We then drove off, got even higher and found some bikes in a parking lot and rode them around in circles before getting bored and left.