After the last adventure I had I felt like a new man. 17 years of sexual frustration finally released. Though it wasn’t exactly how I imagined my first make out session or blowjob would be like I still was ecstatic about it and told just about anyone who was willing to listen to my risqué tale.
2 days after the blowjob incident the (then) girlfriend and I are at my house and seeing as how it was a relationship solely based on my need for a sexual outlet; we didn’t do a lot of talking. The girl was a quirky girl to say the very least. She kept on telling me how much she liked being dominated (which was just perfect for me) but she had no qualms with taking what she wanted as well. So not even a minute of going through my walkway she has me pushed up against the wall and kissing me to the point that I’m fighting for air. Now I don’t mind a girl being on the assertive at all but my male ego could not take being in the “weaker” role of the relationship and I draw the line at suffocation, so I took control of the situation and had her up against the wall. We were like that for a bit, she was doing this amazing thing massaging my crotch with my knee while making out with her. I told all my female friends to do that when they are fooling around with a guy, it’s really awesome. I then make the super suave suggestion of showing her my room since she hasn’t seen it yet…she accepted my offer.
When we get into my room she immediately jumps onto my bed. In a prior phone conversation with she said when she wants something she makes it really obvious. So when she got onto my bed sort of stuck her ass out in the air as if she was presenting it to me while giving me a really provocative look. A blind eunuch would have known what she wanted to do. So I got on the bed and got on top of her and that’s how I first ever started dry humping someone. One thing I found about dry humping was that I found it to be very awkward. While doing that all I could think about was dogs having sex (I guess that’s why when there are no clothes involved it’s called “doggie style”). But then again I find that any sexual act with a person you don’t actually enjoy being around is pretty awkward.
I got tired of humping her from behind so I flipped her over and see if it was any different from this angle. I was wrong. I realized just how out of shape I was since my arms were shaking from struggling to support my weight. Thankfully she thought I was shaking because I was nervous. I decided to let her keep on thinking that.
We keep going at it for a bit but then she did something I hoped she never would do. She started pushing my head down.
Now I have to explain a certain personality quirk of mine. I have “Eurotophobia” which is a phobia of female genitalia. To put it bluntly I find a girls vagina to be one of the most disgusting things on the planet. I can’t even look at it but the thought of touching it just made me feel ill. Not entirely sure why it gross’s me out so much. I think it might have something to do with the very first bare vagina I saw was a Penthouse picture and it showed a girl spreading open her cooch. I had to fight the urge to throw up when I saw that. It’s because of this phobia I have refused to watch any hardcore pornography or look at any nude magazine besides Playboy.
So with that in mind imagine my horror as she was pushing my head down. I could have just told her “No.” but at the same time she went down on me on the first date and even after I sorta peed in her car. It would have been a real dick move of me to not pay her back. So I’m gradually moving down, taking my time trying out this thing called “foreplay”. All the while I’m having a panic attack about what I’m going to do. My thought process went a little like this
“HOLY SHIT I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS!!!
“I don’t even know what I’m doing!”
“What if she isn’t shaven? ”
“I REALLY don’t want to do this”
“Does it really smell like tuna? ”
“What if find the wrong hole?”
“I don’t want to do this! ”
Eventually I came to the conclusion that I just couldn’t go down on her no matter what. Unfortunately by the time I reached this conclusion her pants were already off. My brain didn’t want to do this. My body had otherwise to say.
So there I was at the point of no return, I took a quick glance at my destination and then looked away. I still couldn’t look at for more than a second; the first thing that came to mind was the Sarlac Pit Monster from Star Wars. Thankfully she was fully shaven. Much like a guy who is lost on a road trip yet refuses to pull over to ask how to get the destination, I had no idea what I was supposed to do, but my male ego wasn’t ready to admit that. I first tried mimicking what I’ve seen in the porno’s I’ve watched but since I couldn’t watch anything besides soft core porn, the most I knew what to do was the parts leading up to the actual act. I was screwed. After a bit of kissing around the area I confessed to being completely lost. She brought my head back up and told me to give her a clit a really long kiss and demonstrated the kiss on me. Now with a vague idea of what I was supposed to do I went back down south.
I found the clit…and I gave it a long kiss.
It really wasn’t all that bad.
I really didn’t enjoy myself any down there, it made me lose my wood but it wasn’t a bad experience either. It didn’t smell/taste like tuna. In fact I didn’t really taste anything discernable. She made it kind of difficult since she seemed unable to lie still while I was performing on her. At one point she was pretty much humping my face. Not quite sure how long I was down there, maybe I blocked out most of the experience which is why I didn’t think it was that bad, but eventually I got a tap on the head and I came back up. When she looked down at me she started to laugh. She then wiped off a liquid substance off of my mouth/chin area. I thought that was just excess spit from my mouth. I guess she came all over my face. Surprisingly that part didn’t traumatize me at all, in fact it didn’t bother me one bit. The suggestion she made next however did. She told me to put my fingers inside of her.
Another little personality quirk I have is that I can’t stand getting my hands dirty. As a little kid if I fell in the sandbox I would try to get back up without using my hands because I didn’t want to get sand all over my hand. While most kids loved to carve pumpkins and take out the seeds in them, I used to cry when I had to do that, I found the insides of pumpkins disgusting and I did not want to stick my hand inside of it. To me sticking my fingers in a vagina sounds just as appealing as sticking my hand in a pumpkin.
I put up a little struggle but she guided my hands down there and I complied. She did have my dick in her mouth for over 30 minutes…what was I supposed to do/say?
So…my fingers were put inside of her.
And MY GOD the vagina feels so freaking weird.
I don’t know what I was expecting but I don’t think anything in the world could have prepared me for that.
I’ve never felt anything like that in my life.
And all the while fingering her, my thoughts alternated between:
“Holy crap I can’t believe I’m doing this!”
“This is REALLY gross.”
The only way I can think of describing a vagina is this.
It feels like a jelly cave.
If there ever was a cave and all the walls were covered in jelly it would be like a vagina.
I don’t think she was paying attention to my face very much because I’m sure I was making looks of pure confusion and disgust. After a bit she wanted me to finger her from behind, at this point I didn’t care anymore. I already have done 2 things I didn’t want to do at all, why should it matter if it was in a different position?
I actually liked it better that way; it sort of opened up the jelly cave a bit so my fingers felt less cramped.
After a bit of that I guess she had her fill and signaled me to stop. We started to dry hump again…well I was dry humping since my pants were still on, she was just regular humping. During this exchange though my member popped out of the protection of my boxer shorts and started rubbing up against the zipper. To this day I do not understand why I didn’t stop and readjust myself, maybe I thought it would ruin the mood or something but I thought it would be a good idea to play through the pain. It was not fun.
After that I guess she thought it was my turn and kept on telling me to “take what I want”. Under normal circumstances I guess any guy would want to hear that. But in that situation, honestly I just wanted her to get the hell out of my house. I preformed cunnilingus for the first time my fingers and felt something entirely new, weird and disgusting at the same time and to top it all off now my dick hurts. I just wanted some alone time.
Though I am not above going out with a girl just to get physical action I guess I’m not above kicking a girl out of my house without having a good reason. We fooled around some more and though I was tempted to get another blowjob. At first I decided against it…then thought “Fuck it” but by this time the girlfriend was paranoid of my mom coming home and refused.
After that the relationship ended less than a week afterwards with no more real adventures to tell about her. But I’ll never forget the Jelly Cave.